The CV of a fighter

“Sir, I would like to discuss with you about my CV.”

The moment I left the lecture room, Arup (not his real name) requested me. I got a bit irritated! My lecture slot was the one before the lunch break. I was hungry enough to rush to my residence. At that point, I was not really in a mood to discuss anything in this world. Moreover, what was there to discuss about the CV of a person like Arup, who had just submitted his PhD thesis, and was looking for a Postdoctoral opportunity abroad? But, I have been interacting with him for past several years, and like his sincerity and dedication as a researcher. He is also such a composed person, that it is difficult to ignore him.  I tried to understand why he was making such a strange request to me. Then I could remember that he did badly in his Higher Secondary examination. Probably his past academic records were bothering him, and he was feeling nervous for applying abroad. Five or six years ago, he tried to get an admission for PhD in our Department. But we had set a higher cut-off for the senior school examination marks, while short-listing a candidate. So Arup could not manage to get a call. He was quite disappointed in our first meeting, when I pointed out this while going through his CV, and could not keep his request on extending a special consideration on this matter. That would have been the end of the story of our interaction, had I not found him a few months later greeting me with extreme happiness and excitement, “I got an admission to the PhD program here!” I was surprised, but happy to know that he had been selected in one of our sister Departments.

Though he was not working under my supervision, he used to visit me at my office for seeking some advice, or discussing on certain matters. Initially, those were rare. But for last two years, he was quite regular in meeting me, once or twice in a month. He used to make a formal appointment before coming for a discussion. He is very methodical and systematic. Before coming for a discussion, he would have informed me the topic on which we would be discussing. He would also mail me a few related research papers on that topic. While initiating a discussion, he used to brief me about the work going on, and draw my attention to principles and theories behind them. So finally, at the end of our hour long intellectual exercise, I was not convinced who was the real beneficiary out of that process.  My role was mostly meant for understanding and confirming his analysis. Yet Arup continued these occasional randevu by knowing perfectly well about my limitations, and ignoring my ignorance in general. He kept me regularly updated about his progress, and showed me the review comments on his papers. When his first publication came out in a top journal, one day he came to my office with a state of supreme happiness for presenting me the print of his published work. I was moved by his simplicity in sharing his pride and joy on the maiden journal publication.

I wanted to settle the matter fast, and told him, “Is it your HS performance that bothering you? But, what can you do? If you feel, you may add a few statements on your background, acknowledging that you were not well prepared then, but you did pick up well at later stages.”

He smiled, “That’s not exactly in my mind! If I do not tell everything, you may not be able to understand!”

I still insisted, “Your honest acknowledgment may have a positive effect.”

He stressed upon, “What is there to acknowledge, when the fact is already placed before? I have other issues too. Can you spare some moment? I need to explain you my background. That would help you to advise me.”

That was what Arup-like! I could sense that though it was not going to be a technical discussion parse, it was the same protocol he was following by setting up the agenda and its background before initiating a discussion. Though my lunch at home was waiting for me,  I became interested to listen to him, and took him to my office.

Arup is a very calm and quiet person. He speaks softly, and there is a bit of monotony in his presentation of ideas and thoughts. Yet, you could feel the sincerity and seriousness in his utterances. He was still hesitating to start, “Actually, there are several problems in reporting my academics and experiences in my CV.”

I could see that he was not feeling comfortable, and often looking aside, while speaking these words.

“For some reason, you could not do well in the HS,” I tried to open up the discussion.

He looked at me for a moment, and then said, “That time I was going through a severe depression. I was on medication, and I really could not do well in my examinations.”

“Whatever! You might not have done well then, but you recovered,” I tried to comfort him.

“Actually, there was something more,” he interrupted me. “I never mention it in my CV. I did also a BSC then.”

“How was its performance?”

“Not good. In between, I also cleared DOE A level certification course.”

“That’s not easy! I understand, it is equivalent to BE in CS.” I tried to cheer him up.

“Not exactly. It is at the diploma level.”

“But still, that is difficult. How did you prepare yourselves?”

“On my own.” He replied.

“That’s an achievement!” I appreciated him and asked, “How was your performance?”

“Not remarkable. But I got the best project award in the Eastern zone. I developed software for the Central Blood Bank.”

“Then? When did you take admission in an Engineering college?”

“I will tell you. I am coming to that point.  I was working in the insurance sector. I was quite successful there. I had a good clientele, and was making good money. I was not holding any regular salaried position.  I was working as an agent.  But, I was not satisfied with what I was doing then. So, when I got an opportunity, I joined Siemens”

“That must be a good turn around for you. This experience can be shown in your CV. I am sure you did that.”

“No, it is not,” he negated my assumption. “The problem is that I cannot mention that period in my CV.”

“Why?”

“They did not offer me any regular position.”

“Were you working in a project with temporary assignment?”

“Some sort of!”

“Why don’t you mention that?”

“But, I do not have any certificate of experience from them.”

“Oh! When was it?”

“It should be around 95-96.”

“So after that you took admission for a BE program?”

“No, that was not the case. Actually, things got little more complicated.” He again avoided my eye contact, and then continued, “As I had some experiences with the insurance sector, in Siemens they were interested to offer me a position in their accounting department. But I was interested in working in software development. If I have to do accounting, I could do whatever I was doing earlier. So, I returned to my Insurance business. This time I was misled, and committed some grave mistakes. I took agencies of some of the chit funds.”

“Which companies?” I got apprehensive, after knowing the recent turmoil and trauma faced by agents, and clients of various ponzi schemes across West Bengal.

“Verona, and Overland – those were the two companies.”

“Yep! I also heard their names. Were they also chit fund companies?”

“Yes. I could convince my clients to make considerable investment there. But these companies as usual cheated, and vanished with all the money of the depositors. I was not prepared at all. Overnight my clients owed me a few lakhs of rupees! Those were horrific days for me! I was dammed and chased after! Though, my family supported me. With their help, I could return the sum. But I did not know how I had spent those days and months. At one point of time, I attempted suicide.”

There was a moment of pause. With some hesitation, I asked him, “What did you do?”

He had a queer smile in his face, but, this time he looked straight at me. He told, “I took a good number of sleeping pills. Actually, if you take that quantity and quietly go to sleep, it may not have that much fatal effect on you. Most of the drug would have passed with your urine. But, what I did after taking that many number, I did exercises, I jogged, walked, jumped, and exhausted myself out.”

“Consciously?” I asked.

“ Yes. So it had a good toll on me. I was not supposed to survive. For a long time, I was in a hospital.”

He paused for a while, and then continued, “It took a few years to do away with my depression. I was fortunate to be treated by a good Psychiatrist. He was my father’s friend. He spent long hours with me, and took me to different cases of suicidal attempts. I saw many of these people, who got crippled due to their attempts, and were spending miserable lives. I felt lucky. At least, I was surviving as a whole! Finally, this gentleman suggested me to go for academics. He said all my frustrations were due to not being satisfied with my academics. So, I sat for the Joint Entrance Examination, and enrolled myself to an Engineering college.”

“In which year?”

“In 2002.”

“How old were you then?”

“I was born in 1973.”

“I did my BE in 2006, and then I appeared for GATE, and did ME in Jadavpur. That was in 2008. After that I took admission here. Now, I have to decide what I should do after submitting my thesis.”

“What is your plan?”

“I have a few offers from software companies.”

“What are they?”

He named two of them, one is in Kolkata and the other one in Bangalore. Both of them are interested in him for his research background.

“That’s good. Why don’t you join in any one of them?” I suggested.

 “But, I prefer to go to academics,” he declared.

“How was your BE and ME performances.”

“So-So.”

“You have a few good journal publications. Yet it may be difficult to get entry in a good Institution with your poor academic records,” I was sorry to disappoint him with my candid judgment. I wished that, I am wrong.

“That is why, I want to do a Postdoc. Do you think it would help?”

“It may. But Postdoc is not a degree, and at your age, I would suggest you should go for a job. Postdoc may push you to further uncertainty”

“But, I will not be happy unless the job is research oriented.”

“Are they not?”

“On the face, they are. But actually it may not be so! I have some idea while working earlier. There is no independence. I would prefer a Postdoc position. You already suggested me a place. But, tell me now what should be there in my CV?”

I had no answer. How do you put a person’s struggle and overcoming of barriers at various stages of life, in our barren academic CVs? Do the mere count of publications, exam results, laurels and distinctions speak everything about us? I said, “Try with what you have presently.”

 By looking at his smiling face, it occurred to me that Arup was also not expecting any solution from me. He knew that he could not write many things in his CV. His unexplained breaks between degrees would remain unanswered to the outside world, and might impede his opportunity to get a position there. Yet, he was prepared to raise his fight to the next level for pursuing something great in his life. He was aware of his precarious past and nervous about his uncertain future. Yet, he was carrying all the excitement at the prospect of realizing his dream for becoming an academician and independent researcher.

Hats off to you, Arup! Good luck!

14/02/2015